Your company has too much money. I understand. It’s a common problem. Clearly, you need to get rid of some of it. But how?

Marketing!

But not just any marketing—it has to be bad marketing.

Because good marketing is actually an investment—it will generate more sales, making you more money. And you wouldn’t want that, now would you?

So here are nine ways to ensure your marketing dollars go straight down the drain.

1. Direct your marketing at the wrong people
Most people aren’t your buyers. Which means the broader you direct your message, the lower the odds that anyone will respond to it. Better yet, spend some money on research to determine who and where your ideal prospects are….and ignore it! Believe it or not, it’s a time-tested way to waste a marketing budget.

2. Don’t use a headline
People make the decision whether or not to read more based on your headline. (Or on radio or TV, based on your opening statement.) So if there’s no headline—or if there’s a bad headline—there’s no reason for them to give you any further attention!

3. Make it all about your company, product or service
Here’s an important secret: Nobody cares about your company, your product or your service. People only care about themselves. Which is great news if you want to dispose of your marketing dollars without risk of generating sales. Just talk exclusively about your company, product and/or service without any reference to how you benefit customers.

4. Use jargon
Using terms that most people don’t understand—like industry jargon, technical names and acronyms—makes people feel stupid. And since people hate feeling stupid, they will ignore your marketing message as well as your product.

5. Use clichés
Using clichés like “quality,” “service,” “value,” and “performance” causes you to sound like everybody else. And if you’re just like everybody else, there’s no good reason someone should choose you, right?

6. Use lots of stock photography
Stock photography has the potential to be “visual clichés.” Because if people see the same images in your marketing materials as they see in other companies’ materials, again you appear to be the same as everyone else.

7. Leave out testimonials
Testimonials are one of the most powerful sales and marketing tools available. In order to truly waste your marketing budget, you must avoid them at all costs!

8. No call to action
If you tell your prospect to “Call now!” or “Click here!” they just might do it. Similarly, if you give them a deadline or offer them an incentive to act, you run the risk of them actually buying from you.

9. Avoid tracking the results
Tracking the results of your marketing will tell you what’s working and what’s not. Which you don’t want to know, because then some idiot might insist on directing your company’s time, energy and money toward those marketing initiatives that somehow—despite your best efforts—are actually driving more sales. Which would defeat the whole purpose!

No company should be burdened with too much money. If your company is suffering from this condition, you have my sympathies. Hopefully, by following these nine strategies, you can resolve this problem quickly and efficiently. Remember, wasting money isn’t easy, but it can be done!

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