The good news is you’ve met your quota. The bad news is, if you make any additional sales, your next quota will increase. You don’t need that kind of pressure.

Sure it means a larger commission check, possibly a bonus, and maybe a chance at winning a trip to a warm island somewhere. But then, it also means management will expect similar results in the future, and you might have to travel more, and rookies will pester you for sales and career advice. Who wants those headaches?

What you need are some guaranteed ways to screw up the potential sales you’re in danger of making. Fortunately, I’m here to help. Here are nine fool-proof strategies for you.

1. Do all the talking
Don’t ask your prospect any questions. If you do, you might discover what they want, need, fear, value, like, dislike or prioritize. You could uncover their goals, dreams, biases or previous experiences. And you run the risk of making the prospect feel important. Worse, you’ll be tempted to relate your product or service to their personal buying criteria.

2. Don’t listen
If your prospect does try to get a word in edgeways, don’t listen to them. Failing to listen to your prospect will make them feel unheard, unimportant and uncomfortable.

3. Talk down to your prospect
One of the best ways to turn off your potential buyer is to insult them. And it’s so easy! Just treat them like a moron! Once when I was car shopping, a salesman insulted the other cars I had already looked at, implying I was an idiot to consider them. Within five minutes I was gone and I never went back.

4. Deliver a canned presentation
Talk only about your product or service’s features. Make no attempt to relate what it does to your prospect’s situation. Stick to the facts and don’t try to engage the prospect’s emotions. Bonus points for using lots of jargon and acronyms your prospect may not understand.

5. Ignore the other people involved
If there is more than one person involved in the buying process, a great way to sabotage the deal is to ignore one or more of those people. If you happen to ignore the decision-maker, BINGO, you’re home free. But even if the person you ignore isn’t the decision-maker, you’ll create enough animosity to ensure they won’t buy from you, no matter how good your product or service is.

6. Summarily dismiss objections
Dismissing a prospect’s objections out of hand has three benefits: 1) It saves time; 2) It insults the prospect; and 3) It makes them uneasy because they still have the objection!

7. Insult your competitors
When we talk badly about our competitors it reflects poorly on us. So talk as much smack as you can! Tell outright lies if you can’t think of anything legitimately negative. And sprinkle in some profanity to increase the chances you’ll offend your prospect.

8. Don’t ask for the sale
Most prospects need to be asked to buy. It’s just easier for them to do nothing than to do something. Even if they want what you’re selling! So if you make no attempt to close the sale, odds are they’ll make no attempt to buy.

9. Don’t follow up
Like the common cold, most sales opportunities will go away on their own if left alone. Whatever you do, don’t call, e-mail or send any kind of a card or letter.

You need never again be worried about making too many sales. Follow the above advice and soon you’ll be free to live a life of leisure.